Too Much "Whatever I Like"

The priority and focus on personal and instant gratification first, before purpose, service, and delayed gratification has become a deeply rooted idea within American culture. This thought process leads to a whole set of problems, at least for many of the other American citizens I’ve met.

I’m not sure of the specifics or exact details of how this idea of making decisions based on however we feel in the moment or do “whatever I like” became so huge, but it’s not the path to actual happiness. It’s too dominant in the decision-making process of a lot of people and it’s super misleading.

One thing I’ve learned from “The Science of Well Being” course with Dr. Laurie Santos is that we seriously misunderstand what will genuinely lead us to feel like we are having a truly rich life experience. We are poorly taught and socially misled.

An example of what I’m referring to are as follows:

Feeling bad about something specific that happened that day, maybe something didn’t happen exactly as we like. 

Then deciding to eat some junk to feel better in the moment. Likely justifying it with “I deserve it” or “I feel like it” or “I want it”. 

Then later on that day or the next morning, we may feel like trash. 

We may be complaining about our physical appearance or our lack of discipline.

Then we get angry with ourselves. Sometimes we assume our anger is coming from external factors because we are avoiding taking responsibility for our actions. Sometimes we direct our anger unreasonably towards others.

However, we chose our response. Something bad happened, then we took an action to make it worse.

This decision was made based on how we felt in the moment, with the only intention of trying to feel better instantly. I might also say with the unconscious intention of trying to feel some sense of control or power. To soothe or pacify perhaps?

There is a lack of purpose or significant meaning being required before taking action. If I intend to show myself more love, or intend to make myself proud, or I have to show up as my best self to serve others, and that is a requirement for action, then I’m more likely to choose a different course of action.

An example of this change would be:

After feeling bad about something that happened on a particular day, we might allow a set amount of time to feel upset. With the rule of no decision making during that time.

We might then take the time to reflect on it to see what we can learn, but not too much time because we’re not trying to dwell in the past. 

We would then decide to eat something good for our bodies. If we feel like we got beat up or are upset, then let’s choose to take an action where we take great care of ourselves.

We don’t treat a broken leg by running miles on it while it’s broken or by having a friend roll their car over that leg.

Afterwards, we’re more likely to feel great, and be happy that we responded to whatever negative experience we had with a positive response.

What makes this easier for me than it used to be? How am I getting better at this? 

The way I prioritize my actions places purpose first. Who do I want to become and what do I really want to do for others? Then my tiny little desires and impulses much further down the list.

Significant meaning being required more often than “do whatever I like” for decision making is usually what keeps me moving forward and feeling grateful every single day.

A few questions to consider:

What’s one thing you give into where you’d be proud of yourself if you didn’t give into it every time?

What are you losing when you give in to that?

Where does the impulse to take that action come from?

Is that trigger or experience something you wish to strengthen? Why or why not?